


Its a numbers game

by Alex_the_ghost



Series: Alex's venty fics [1]
Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Anorexia, ED - Freeform, Eating, Eating Disorder, Other, ana - Freeform, logan eating disorder, logan sanders eating disorder, logan sanders ed, sanders sides eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_the_ghost/pseuds/Alex_the_ghost
Summary: Logan becomes obsessed with numbers and categorized excuses, none of the others notice, until he lets them of course.





	Its a numbers game

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a semi-old venty fic i made when i was debating on coming out of my eating disorder, so like  
> TW: eating disorder, body check, bones, crying, anxiety,  
> comment if i need to add more

He ran his fingers down his sides and across his hip bones, watching the Mirrors reflection. He stopped wrapping his hand around his waist, pushing slightly and wincing at the uncomfortable feeling. He felt horrible, he acknowledged that. He logically knew what his body needed to live and was giving it just that. Just what it needed. He dropped his glance to the long sleeve button up on the floor, picking it up and putting in on. He reached for a book that he’s been reading for months, unable to focus on it anytime he tried but determined to finish. The man turned and walked out of his room, running his hand through his long black hair, brushing it back. He stepped carefully down the stairs, painfully aware of his vision blurring slightly. He evened out his breathing as his feet carried him to the couch out of pure habit. He sat down leaning back and opening up his book, trying to find the spot he dozed off at.  
“Hey, Lo-lo! You’re up early, want some breakfast?” A cheery voice asked from across the room. Logan glanced up slightly then back as his book.  
“No thank you, Patton, I already had some.” He recited. A line he had prepared ages ago, and yet it still worked. It kept up appearances; it kept his friends protected. It was a simple lie, but one he was willing to use every day if he had to. Patton didn't notice anything off and simply went into to kitchen to get himself and the other two something to eat. Logan decided it would be easier to sit alone in his room then downstairs where his friends would be questioning his patterns and taunting him. He closed his book and walked toward the stairs.   
“I'm going to work on scheduling in my room, Patton, I'll talk to you later.” He threw the comment over his shoulder trodding up the stairs. He turned to head into his room as a voice called to him.  
“Point-dexter! A word?” Roman. Logan turned his head to face his over energetic companion.  
“Yes, Roman? What is it?” He asked straightening himself and blocking the door to his bedroom. Roman stood in front of him brandishing a huge smile and an air of arrogance.  
“Well, you see here specs, I was wondering if it were possible to maybe push back some of the deadlines?” he asked sweetly twisting his hands. Logan sighed.  
“Roman we've already moved the deadlines twice, we can't keep doing that just because you're too busy daydreaming to actually focus.” He snapped. Roman reeled back slightly, visibly hurt. “No- Roman I- I didn't-”  
“No, I… I understand. I'll get it done.” he turned and walked downstairs, away from Logan. Logan sighed and walked into his bedroom closing the door behind him. He closed his eyes leaning against to door before pushing off, falling against his bed. He laid his arm on his stomach, uses his other hand to take off his glasses, tossing them carefully on the ottoman at the end of his bed. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside. Curling up under the blanket, he tried to pull it tight to hopefully match the heavy, full feeling inside him. It didn't work. Logan took a deep breath and sighed, knowing he had things to do but opted for a nap, the tired heavy feeling behind his head overtaking him.  
The blurry darkness disappeared as Logan sat up abruptly, his mind hazy and unclear. “Yeah?” he slurred unconsciously. The door to his room opened slightly and a figure slipped in, softly shutting it behind him.  
“Logan, we need to talk.” Logan glanced over his shoulder and looked and the black and purple clad figure in his room, sighing slightly.  
“Sure Virgil, what do you need?” he said rubbing his eyes slightly, the edges of his vision blurring and his mind spinning. Virgil glanced down to logans bare stomach and walked over to kneel on the edge of the bed.  
“Logan, dude, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You should know better than anyone how harmful this shit is.” Virgil's shoulders dropped as he looked at Logan in concern. Then it clicked. Logan remembered he wasn't wearing a shirt.  
“Shit, shit, shit, Virge I'm so sorry i-i I'm sorry I'm so stupid i-i shit.” logan rambled stumbling out of bed and picking up a lone t-shirt, losing his balance and falling against the wall behind him. His motions were shaky and rushed as he threw the shirt on and pushed himself off the wall slightly trying to balance himself. “I-I’m sorry you had to see that Virgil, I was still tired it seems I wasn’t thinking straight, my apologies,” Logan said not looking Virgil in the eyes as he tried to push up his glasses before remembering he hadn’t put them on. He sighed slightly carefully pushing himself off the wall and walking to sit at the ottoman, picking up his glasses.  
“Logan, I’m not stupid. I notice when my friends aren’t 100%. Yeah, you’re really good at hiding it but do you think Patton’s not noticing how you suddenly stopped eating anything he makes? Or that Roman hasn’t noticed how your extra mean and snappy to him? Logan, I know the difference between not eating out of stress and just plain not eating. So talk to me.” He moved to sit on the other side of the ottoman, facing Logan with one leg propped across the ottoman in front of him. Logan swallowed thickly as his hands shook while he fiddled with his glasses.  
“Virgil I’m fine-“  
“Like hell you are Logan, don’t pull that shit with me, you can say not right now, you can sign your nonverbal, you could say a million other things but I’m not gonna sit here and let you lie to me like it’ll get me to leave. Cause it won’t Logan, I’m not leaving.” Virgil finished tilting his head to try and catch Logan’s eyes. Logan's breathing was uneven as he continued fiddling with his glasses.  
“Virgil I… I-I think I'm.. Lost.” his voice barely above a whisper.  
Logan rolled over the next morning. Last night had been a long discussion with Virgil, after sleeping most of the day and talking with him until he was tired again around 12, he was ready to face what had really been happening. He threw on a shirt and a jacket that he dug out of the back of his closet. It was Virgil’s old jacket, something he’d taken before anyone else could. He liked having it around when he worked late nights or didn't feel that ok, like now. Logan paused at the mirror in his room, wanting nothing more than to measure his hips, his waist his thighs. The routine felt so intuitive he almost didn't stop himself. Almost. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair softly as he turned and walked out of his room. He walked downstairs and was greeted by Virgil sitting at one end of the couch, Patton and roman sitting together on the other. They all glanced up to look at him. Logan glanced expectedly between the two more lively males, both who seemed dulled and on edge this morning, and the more observant one. Virgil smiled and nodded for logan to sit next to him. Logan swallowed and took a seat next to Virgil, folding his hands in his lap. A part of him hoped Virgil told them everything, a part hoped that the was waiting for him, another part wanted the whole conversation to be about something completely unrelated, but all of him knew that this was something that had to discuss, at least.  
“Lo- I…” Patton started not meeting logan's glance. “I just thought you didn't like my cooking. That maybe I was doing something new and didn't notice, or that you needed more space and I was pushing you- I didn't- I……” Patton stopped his ramblings. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, not knowing where else his sentence could go. Roman glanced over and looked up at Logan.  
“I just thought you were annoyed with me always trying to ask you about deadlines. I guess none of us- well maybe not none of us- but we didn't notice.” Roman finished, his elbows on his knees as he leaned over himself. Logan offered a smile.  
“That was kinda the point, to be honest. I didn't want you to notice if you noticed then it would become real. I had convinced myself I wasn't doing anything wrong. I guess I was wrong…” Logan said glancing down at his hands. Virgil reached his hand up and softly placed it on logans shoulder. Patton bit his lip then jumped at logan wrapping his arms around his neck and shoulders. Logan was pushed back slightly before wrapping his arms around Patton's waist, holding him close. Virgil and Roman smiled at each other. Roman and stood up and walked around to the other side of Logan and Patton, wrapping his arms around the pair as vigil did the same on his side. Logan hadn't been completely present with his family for a while, and now that he was, everyone realized just how much they missed him. Sure there was still a lot to talk about, but for now, they were content with sitting on the couch in each other's arms.


End file.
